Jackie_Snape80's Journal

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19 April 2011

Today was...amazing. It was just awesome....and super confusing :S

I woke up, did 20 min of intense elliptical, got ready for class, and headed out the door. I was about 30 min early because I didn't want to sit around while my roommate got ready...and I also wanted to hang out with previously mentioned dude. Turns out that i wasn't even needed in class at all today(they weren't even going over my scene -_-) I stayed anyways so we could all hang out for lunch afterward. Well, 5 of the group didn't make it, so it was just me, him, and a girl named Molly. We went to go get some coffee, lunch, and just chill.

SIDE NOTE: His crazy ex's roommate happened to be working at the place we went to. That wouldn't be a problem, except that his ex is already super jealous of the girls he hangs out with at lunch(she thinks he has lunch with this one girl,Chancey, every day)but, she's constantly trying to get back at him by talking about her new 30+ yr old bf and his 16 yr old daughter...weird right? Well I had an idea of him taking a picture of him holding me and Chancey and putting it as his fb profile to piss her off. Annnnd, his ex's roomie thinks that he and I are...together. She told his ex that we were hugging up on each other(as if!) and hopefully the hint will be received. Epic! I have a plan for Thursday as well...if she's there.

Anyways, after that we all sat outside. I was hyped up from the coffee at this point. So, we started throwing grass at each other and it turned into this big war. I was kind having a giggle fit, and being stupid, but it was fun! I ended up mellowing out and it was really, really comfortable. Molly separated from us after a while, but I think we made her day lol. It was just me and him for a few hours, then. I'm shocked at the lack of nervousness or awkwardness. I was being myself...and it felt great. It was so comfortable just hanging out with him. I didn't need to worry about what to say or if I looked silly or was just being weird... It was really crazy, I've never been this comfortable around a person after just meeting them...I'm still awkward around the other people in the group. Idk...it's weird

Just thought I'd share that. I know it's a long azz story, but it's really confusing. I did have a good day though. Cycling was awesome and intense(doing even more!) and I'm almost to 1000 cal today! Hope everyone has had a less baffling day than I. ^_^

(5 comments)

18 April 2011

I've really been low on my food intake this past week...badly. I am maintaining a good balance with what I do eat, but I know I'm supposed to eat more. It's just...I fall below one day and I can't seem to get back up without feeling tremendous guilt( I know that I will...I feel guilty for thinking about eating more). Now that I'm only burning around 1600(roughly) calories resting, I feel even worse about eating.

I saw my counselor for the first time today, and of course things can't be easy can they? -_- Turns out that she resigned the previous Friday and can't exactly help me. So, she's going to try and refer me to someone in the area where my bf lives. I have to call my insurance(or have my mom call..idk if they'd let me inquire) and ask for counselors who take my insurance, and hopefully specialize in ED treatment. Don't I feel special...

Just talking about this little monster in counseling(even for a few min) made me just feel horrible. It's trying to get me to stop eating. It says everything will be ok...I'll finally be pretty...I'll be liked. I"m really trying. It's been about 1 1/2 weeks since I purged at all(I think?)

There's nothing here to eat in order to bring my intake up. There's a banana and an orange, but they aren't ripe. There's also a snack machine down the hall, but I can't bring myself to eat anything from there...I'll just hate myself for eating it(even though they have Reese's Pieces...my one true candy love)

-sigh- I hope I can turn things around, I really do. I also hope that you guys are having a much better week than I ^_^

(2 comments)

15 April 2011

I have an awesome story to tell you guys this morning XD

Ok, so I go into the bathroom to change for the gym, and I see this freakin' huge cockroach just chillin by the shower. I resist the urge to scream, but I wake up my roomate with my whimpering and chanting "oh my god". She looks at it, freaks out, and tells me to kill it. I've never killed anything...not that big a$$ mutha f*er. But I grab some lysol and hairspray and spray the crap out of it, but it keeps moving after I stop. I panic and grab a broom only I'm too scared to kill it(that would be one hell of a mess to clean up) The cockroach flips out some wings and that cause me and my roommate to scream and freak out. I thought we were in the clear when it began to head into our suitemate's room. Noooo, it had to run, RUN straight towards us! My roomate ran to the bed, and I jumped on a chair by my desk. It did't come any farther into the room...it was chillin' again. So I made myself grab some lysol and spray the crap out of it until it fell over on it's back. It couldn't move so I managed to(very carefully!) put a bowl on it and after breathing a bit, I put a heavy bottle of floor cleaner(one of those heavy ones with orange stuff in it). Whew! I not only saved the lives of me and my roommate, but of my suitemates! And who knows? Maybe the whole dorm is safe now thanks to me.

In other news, yesterday was awesome! We went to see Arthur at 9:50, and it was actually not bad. I'm surprised that I liked it, but maybe it was the company idk ;p It's not as dumb as the commercials make it seem; it's kinda romantic comedy-ish, with a serious moment or two. I didn't get my calories up yesterday what with hanging out with ppl, and going to the movie.

UPDATE: Just got back from my first driving lesson. Other than almost crying when I had to first pull out into the street, it went good. I got more confident as the 2 hours went on. :D

Also, my bf is coming to campus and we have some things to talk about. I don't know what's going to be said or what's going to happen. I have the feeling my already stressed nerves will snap...I need some coffee....

(2 comments)

14 April 2011

Yes!! OMG...where did this drop come from?! I checked the scale twice..1 freakin 47. Wow....this is awesome. 3-4 weeks of nothing then a 1 lb loss then BAM! :D I'm going to keep eating, keep moving and not going to let ANYTHING make today bad. It must be because I stopped menstruating and i cut out the sodium..and whoosh. Big chuck of water weight(and maybe some fat idk) gone!

I got a decent sweat up on the elliptical this morning...20 min. I just started increasing the level to 5, but that may not be enough for me soon lol! I'll try to get to 6 or 7 by next Thursday...see how that works out. I can push myself more and more and I can really see the difference now.

No classes today, but I might just walk around campus and maybe hang out with those ppl after they get out of class(the teacher said I didn't need to show XD ) And my math class is cancelled...freedom! Cycling at 5-6, and the movie won't be until 9:50. Kinda lame, but I have nowhere to be and no classes the next day.

Anyways, I gotta showa and get some food. You guys are awesome and all knowing lol! Make sure you guys have a good day, savor the little things, and don't get as discouraged as I always do! ^_^

(PS) I had to put 148, because FS was yelling at me for have a rapid weight loss or something like that

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
67.1 kg	9.1 kg	3.6 kg	100%

(3 comments) Losing 2.6 kg a Week

12 April 2011

Health and food-wise today wasn't so great, but I think it was worth it to be honest.

Didn't have any time/energy to make myself breakfast and I didn't want to waste a meal plan when I have to make 6 meals last till Saturday. It was just some protein powder mixed with a bit of water, and a big cup of tea that I made and chilled the night before. After my first class I ended up hanging out with some ppl from my class until I had to go to math. I only had a strawberry cup and half of a veggie wrap in that time period(11-2:20) After that class I hung out with them some more until I had cycling from 6-7. By the time I got out I was starving and I wanted to go to the caf and get some fresh veggies and a v.burger on wheat, but I was on the phone with my G-ma until 8 meaning the caf was closed. So, the campus diner it was. Got a garden burger with tomato, mushrooms, and peppers and fries. Instead of getting honey mustard or ketchup, I got some yellow mustard and mixed in a spoonful of Truvia. Split it in half to eat for later. I'll probably throw the other half of the fries away, though and have a clementine...it's just not worth it tbh.

Anyway, I was pretty active today. Short 15-min elliptical first thing in the morning, walking around campus off and on throughout the day, a tiny bit of handball(I just stood there looking dumb lol) and my cycling class. I've been pushing myself more and more in my cycling class. I've been turning the resistance up more than what the instructor says to, and I've been keeping it up longer after he tells us to run it down. I can go faster and do the sprints better, also. I really, really love cycling! It's intense, I get sweaty, and it really works out my legs. :) Also, I was sooo weak during the abs part. I did 50 sits ups with a few other ab workouts mixed in last night since my ab class was cancelled. I'll be feeling this tomorrow morning! XD

Tomorrow I'm going to try and eat only fresh foods. Fruits, veggies, nothing other than water(or unsweetened hot tea, perhaps) I'm going to go a bit easy on the exercise also....just my toning class and maybe 15 min of elliptical in the morning and night.

Wow...loooong journal post. Sorry! I just have nowhere else to talk about this stuff, and you guys are awesome! :D

(1 comment)

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