Jackie_Snape80's Journal

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09 May 2011

-sigh- Finally checking back in. Things aren't going that great, not terrible, but not good. Being back in my HOME home I'm now surrounded by tons of things I can't eat as well as things that I haven't even let myself *look* at in months... I haven't been binging/purging(though, I have thrown up a few times tbh), but I have been chewing/spitting. I had no idea that it's actually quite common until I looked it up. ....weird. I'm not doing it so much now, it was the just the first 2-3 days. I went crazy. I don't allow myself chocolate/candy/sugary foods or cereal/anything that I would have dug into months ago...so I was kind of having some old habit flashbacks. Ugh, it's better now...the cravings/urges are done with.

I'm still trying so hard NOT to snack or overeat that I've been under 1000(sometimes a bit above) for the past 5 days I've been here. Since the most I'm doing in a day is an hour of walking, some ab stuff, and cooking/cleaning/housework I don't feel as if I should be eating. -_- I DID get a bunch of supplies for cooking and I'm super psyched!

For dinner I made one of those Wanchai Ferry boxed things(yeah processed junk...but my fam was never going to use it so...) and switched out the chicken with tofu and used some whole grain brown minute rice instead of the white rice that came with it. Seriously amazing! The tofu turned out great, and the brown rice had a great texture...3 more servings = 3 more dinners for me! Aprox. 350-400 cal per serving I guess. So yummmylicious, but it would be even better if I had made my sauce from scratch :D

OH!!! I'm FINALLY going to see a doctor/therapist tomorrow! I'm really worried and nervous. I'm still split. Part of me knows that I should get a bit of help and try to stop what I've been doing to myself, but another part thinks I'm fine and I don't need to stop. I don't know what to think and I'm worried that this lady will not understand or be able to help or...anything. My mom says that I'm stubborn...I guess that's true. I'm so uncertain about all of tis and it's driving me up the wall. ....I just don't want to go back to what I looked/ate like before. I'll do whatever it takes to NOT go back...even if what I've been doing to myself is the only way to ensure that. I'm not saying it is, but still... It seems so simple to me

Oh well. We'll see how it goes. I'm starting to get pretty hungry, but I don't want to eat -_- Maybe I'll have a piece of toast with jam. That sounds amazing. See ya!

(1 comment)

04 May 2011

Yes! I made it to my goal weight by the end of the semester! This wasn't easy, but it got better as time went on. Now I'm more concerned with getting rid of this layer of fat around my thighs/belly. I've gotten much better and my legs have improved so much. Stronger, more toned, less cellulite, etc.

I'm still struggling with food and eating, but I've gotten much better at that as well. I have been purging more recently, but I won't be able to do it that much anymore...which is good. Each time I purge my throat burns and hurts; I know I'm hurting myself. It seems so low a price for that feeling of satisfaction, however. But, this new website that I'm using actually makes it easier for me to allow myself to eat. It gives me the minimum needed(after I logged in my goals/activity level) and adds in workout calories when I go over. So, it always seems like I'm eating much less. It's all mental, and this is helping me get past it.

Anyways, today is my last day on campus :( When I get off here I'm going to continue packing what I can until my mom comes. -sigh- I can't believe that it's been a year since I finished high school...weird. I've changed so much since then, physically and mentally.

Oh! I'll (hopefully!) be getting my license today! :D I passed my drivers ed class/test and I have to forms ready and everything. So I'll be driving and working this summer :p I'm not sure what I'm doing and I'm just making things up as I go, it seems. This has been one hell of a year, and the next one should be just as interesting! XD

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
65.5 kg	10.7 kg	2.0 kg	100%

(1 comment) Losing 1.3 kg a Week

02 May 2011

I may or may not decide to leave Fat Secret. I found this other website called My Fitness Pal, and it seems really good. It has way more exercise options as well as foods in the database. It's a little strange working with it, but if I like it more I may switch over. I'll still be on here often to post journals and to comment on posts and stuff. It would just be the food/exercise that I'd be logging over there.

Anyway, I have two finals today! D: I'm gonna be studying as much as I can! Yoga 12-1, lunch, then more studying! -_-

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01 May 2011

I am going to stop this...once and for all. If I need to purge, I'll make some tea, take a walk/go to gym, watch a movie, call/talk to a friend....something. I need to stop doing this to myself...I want to stop feeling guilty. My throat is red/sore and burning and I know exactly why.

I planned out my food for today and I need to stick to it. I'm also going to try and go to the gym for a bit before dinner. I just can't stand being away from there for more than a day or two..it's the main reason for all this guilt I feel.

In other news, I passed my Driver's Ed test and I'll be getting my license next week! Whooo! I'm super excited. I'm going to submit some applications for jobs and hopefully things will work out from there. My History and English finals are tomorrow, and my Math final is the next day, then I'm gone.... >:S

(1 comment)

28 April 2011

Damn bloating! I was wondering why I was going up this week, and not down. I wake up this morning and I receive my monthly...present. I feel so puffy, too. Maybe by Monday it'll be better.

I tried doing some elliptical this morning, but my legs said "No way in hell" to me...yeah. I could have pushed myself, but I have cycling class later today, so that wasn't an option. I just did 5 min of that, then 10-20 min or doing some work with a medicine ball and weights. My shoulders are a bit sore now, but I think I did a decent job.

I've roughly planned out my food for today. I usually have pretty similar lunch and dinner throughout the week...for a week. It makes it easy on my schedule and on putting things down. I have a bit under 900 logged, so I have plenty of leeway.

I am really wanting some sweet potato fries...with honey mustard(sounds amazing, amirite?) But, I'll have to settle for making some homemade carrot fries in my dorm oven lol. I hope they turn out alright...looking forward to it. That, plus my usual 'salad' of broccoli, spinach, and nutritional yeast(plus seasonings) is also in the menu.

I love corn flakes! Yeah, you heard me..They're just so yummy, crunchy, and low-cal. However, they do have an unfortunately high sodium content(as does my beloved Sriracha Chili Sauce) :(

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
66.7 kg	9.5 kg	3.2 kg	Reasonably Well

(2 comments) Gaining 0.2 kg a Week

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