D1srupta's Journal

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01 September 2016

29 August 2016

Looking forward to the weigh in this weekend. I expect to see myself back into the low 230's. I am uncertain how to record today's meal, I ate one meal at a local eatery, but I am certain that it was less than my RDI.

My goal was to hit 200 by the end of the year, which leaves me with 18 weigh ins until then. With 36.7lbs to lose, assuming consistent weight loss, I will need to lose slightly more than 2lbs a week. This may or may not be realistic, but it is my goal and I know I want it. I want to be able to wear "normal" clothes for the first time in my life since before I was a teenager.

I am currently researching different exercise plan and am looking into a personal trainer. If I see a personal trainer twice a month that might give me the boost to push forward, so here is hoping for that.

I want to be able to run an eight minute mile again, so I am going to start working towards that goal. I am going to start with walking every day for two miles. As time goes on I'll add jogging until I can jog the entire distance. Then I'll push to run. It is simple and basic, going back to my junior high days.

27 August 2016

Weight: Lost so far: Still to go: Diet followed:
107.4 kg 50.5 kg 0 kg Poorly
   (3 comments) Gaining 1.1 kg a Week

26 August 2016

24 August 2016

I've been doing some soul searching as of late. Trying to process where I am, where I want to be, and why I want to be there.

I believe that the underlying problem is just that I have a very low self-esteem. It really hurts me when someone says even the smallest thing that could be perceived as negative, it will cause me to feel awful and stress over something that is so minuscule that most people would be confused.

That is why when I received such positive feedback for my weight loss that I felt over joyed, and when I stopped making such progression that I started to feel worse than before. What will they think if I rebound? They tolerate me because I am progressing, but what will they do when I start to regress?

During my interview for my current position, I could easily see just how poorly the supervisor perceived me. I was relieved when I realized that he was not in charge of the hiring, as I could tell that he would have ended that interview right then and there. That was more than a year ago, and now I am the senior distribution clerk in my office. I am in charge of many things that the previous senior never even touched. That supervisor and I have developed a good rapport, which goes even so far as that I have helped him with his goals for weight loss.

The problem is that I know how he perceived me. It is the same way others perceived me. It prevented me from finding work for years to the point that I put myself into heavy debt to earn an education just to get my foot in the door. Although we get along now, the way I am treated is very much different than how I was treated when I was morbidly obese. This tells me that people DO judge you. They DO think poorly of you. Doors DO open up for those that are more attractive and fit. They also get summarily shut on people like me.

If I can just get to the point that I can stop caring how other people see me, and just focus on myself... maybe I will live long enough to see senility.


D1srupta's Weight History


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