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So I have been doing a lot of deep thinking about my reasoning behind each diet I go on and why i always seem to spiral out of control just before I actually achieve anything almost like a form of self sabotage.
yesterday I was practically in tears looking at photo's from last year thinking "how did I go wrong!"
then I realized something I wasn't happy with myself then either despite the fact that I was the fittest and the best shape I had ever been in when someone took a photo of me or I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw only the negative parts of myself nothing was ever good enough and I had to do more I had to be thinner I had to be stronger because i was still "fat"
then it clicked why i couldn't do it anymore why I just let go last year, it's because it's exhausting hating yourself and pushing yourself all the time I was burnt out it was literally a civil war inside me.
so it was easier to just give myself a reason to hate myself completely compartmentalize the problem and become oblivious because in my mind no matter what direction I traveled in I wasn't going to get any better.
I know they say hind sight is 20/20 and in this case it's true because I have odviously gotten myself into a predicament by shutting down, but you know what I am going to continue on the course I'm currently on because every 24 hours there is a difference you will never be the same person today and you were yesterday if you continue on a progressive path so I might not be who I was last year today or tomorrow or the next day but eventually after a lot more 24hours worth of effort I will be. because I didn't get were i was overnight and I won't get back there overnight.
Patience is all I need one step at a time
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1306 kcal
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Fat: 37.84g | Prot: 55.16g | Carbs: 156.57g.
Breakfast: Jungle Oatso Easy Original. Lunch: KOO Samp & Beans. Dinner: Savanna Light Cider, Woolworths Cottage Pie. Snacks/Other: Sugar, Coffee, Clover Long Life Full Cream Milk. more...
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2849 kcal
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Exercise:
Cardio - 10 minutes, Calisthenics (heavy, e.g. pushups) - 15 minutes, Weight Training (Bodybuilding) - 10 minutes, Driving - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 5 hours and 25 minutes. more...
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