Brianna Marie's Journal, 27 Jun 12

Alright, I need a new game plan. Junk food has been a struggle this week. Seems like some of the only things I can eat are junk food right now. So, from now on I'm going to plan every single meal for the week starting on Sunday. That means breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks and drinks are going to be all planned out. I will do all of my shopping for the week on Sunday afternoons once I go through the Sunday paper ads. It will now be nothing but healthy food. No more junk (other than my precious energy drinks). They keep me awake when I have to be to work at 7 am. I will start measuring everything out so that I know exactly what I am putting into my body. That's what helped me lose the weight the last time I dropped 30 lbs. I have to be almost obsessive with it to accomplish things.

I need more positive in my life. Right now I don't have a lot of that. My fiance is currently not in the picture due to his alcoholism and being unemployed for 2 years. I had to kick him out of my apartment because he was becoming an issue with my neighbors as well as almost having CPS called on me a few times because of his drinking. I know I need to focus on my son and myself, but it's hard when you want your family back in one piece. I told him if he ever wanted his family back, he needed to sober up, go to rehab and find a job. Unreasonable? I think not. I've got to be able to protect my own flesh and blood. My ex-boyfriend (not my fiance) is my baby daddy and he always keeps me on my toes due to legal issues. He is a lying, scheming jerk who likes to start drama in my life. It is always an emotional roller coaster with him. I need to cut him out of my son's and my life. Things will be better off that way. I feel like I'm always in some sort of depression, and I think that it might be part of the reason that it is taking me so long to lose this weight. Between depression and stress, I don't know what is harder on my body.

But, I really need to defeat this all. I need to stop my bitching and whining and just get up and move. That is the hardest of all for me. I've never been forced to get outside and play when I was growing up and I picked up some really bad habits from my dad when I was little that caught up with me. Its time that I get serious. Goals from now on are going for walks every single night after dinner and I would like to start riding my bike again once I can get the money to fix the rim that some jerk in my apartment building bent on me. I hate people some days.

Well, time to get myself ready for bed. Have to be to work at 7am tomorrow and then its finishing cleaning out my apartment. YAY no more jerks to deal with!!!