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How is it that a person's mood can go from really good to really bad in less than a 12 hour period??
Had words with my dear Darling last night. I wish that I believed him but I almost never do now. It seems that I am filled with so much doubt about his words and deeds that I find him lying all the time. I think that is really sad. Once a person starts lying, they tend to have to keep it up. I try so hard not to fall into that trap myself. I actually feel sorry for him. he would prefer to lie than tell the truth about just about everything. I can't think of anything he says that is not at least a stretch of the truth. So sad. And he wonders why I question things.... My reaction is to feel bad about the question, feel stupid for trying to believe him and feel used, inadequate, non-valued etc. What a crappy life I have made for myself.
We also got word from my Mother in Law. Soundes as if she will not make it much longer. They are taking her home today and Hospice will evaluate her again. The Sister in Law thinks she may be waiting to go home to die. Apparently she does not know people much anymore. The SIL told the horrible Dr that she was taking her home today and he turned around and left the room - did not come back. he had been trying to force feed MIL who cant swallow and even put potassium in her IV to strengthen her heart when she has a signed DNR and the family has said we want her to die peacefully. He is a true ASS if you want my opinion. Trying to milk medicare for all he can get. I wish I was still an HHS OIG auditor, I would have him investigated for fraud. He even had the physical therapy people come visit her daily when the other Drs have said she is not a candidate for PT. She is paralyzed on her left side and can not swallow. What is PT going to do for her??? Simply torture her - is all.
The thing that scares me so much is that the MIL did everything you can to keep this from happening to her. She talked to the Drs and told them she did not want to live like this. She told her family that she did not want to live like this. She told the lawyer the same thing. She signed every paper that she was supposed to sign and still this guy is torturing her. I am really frustrated with the whole thing. i want to protect her but can't. I guess nobody can.
WOE issues are causing troubles. I am having real trouble getting enough food in me. When you add in the emotional issues I have been having and the stress, it really gives me fits. but I am trying. I added a blueberry MIM to my menu last night and got myself up in a better range. it is funny - on one hand it is easier to be 'good' when I am at home and on the other it is easier when I am on the road. The routine is better on the road because I tend to eat breakfast of sorts. When I am home, I don't usually eat until i get hungry wich is closer to 10 or 11 and then lunch is closer to 4 and then I don't want to eat at night... I need to start eating in the morning. I know this but I hate to eat in the morning... I will stop whining and just do it. :)
Sure hope to have a better day today :)
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1758 kcal
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Fat: 124.08g | Prot: 126.17g | Carbs: 26.20g.
Breakfast: pork chop, Heavy Whipping Cream, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds) , Heavy Whipping Cream, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds) . Lunch: hot dog no bun. Dinner: Sharp Cheddar Cheese Stick, Ranch Dressing, Cucumber (Peeled) , Lettuce, Beef Steak, Tomatoes. Snacks/Other: Blueberries . more...
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