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An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, & ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & truth." The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."
I fed the wrong one for a very long time, but I have been fortunate to have survived that whole nightmare and have come to my senses. There is so much good in people, unfortunately the bad stuff gets all the attention most of the time.
For a very long time I harbored so much anger and resentment, I had a true fatalist attitude and constantly asked myself "Why me?" Why do I have all these problems, everyone else I know is happy, successful, and obviously feeding the right wolf. Why can't I keep the weight off, why can't I find someone to love and be with, why can't I be normal like everyone else? Why me?
Whiny as h#ll, right? I had this poor me, why me attitude for so long I became mad at the whole world... I felt that I had to do everything by myself because no-one wanted me and the whole world was against me. It made for a very lonely existence. And a lot of it was self-imposed, even though I blamed everyone else a lot. My dad was abusive. I had never had a successful relationship with anyone because they always did me wrong, people took advantage of me and humiliated me. And so forth.
The one thing that kept me going was determination and drive... as the song goes, I got knocked down, but I got up again, never gonna keep me down. That I can thank God, and my parents for... I fought my way back over and over again, because I just knew something better was out there for me and I wanted it badly.
That something better is happening now, slowly unfolding before me, a path to be explored and enjoyed. I am beginning to realize my potential and although I still have tough days (today was one of them) where I want to hide from the world and feel like a slug, it is so nice to wake up to a happier, healthier me. The "why me" person has changed into the "why NOT me" person.
Why NOT me? Because I am worth it. Why not? Because I have a lot of living left to do and I want to make it count. Why not? Because I am passionate about the things I love and love the things I am passionate about. Indeed, why not me. I kicked that other whiny butt down the road, to live with the bad pounds and the hideous monster of depression. Goodbye and good riddance.
Time to feed the good wolf some really good stuff. One of the things on the menu, along with the exciting appetizers of the good works at Nomad and continued creative work, is me formally entering my first 5k race. Yep. September 17th.
Why not?
Well I'm outta here for tonight... I have a wolf to go feed.
Peace.
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1535 kcal
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Fat: 43.44g | Prot: 94.24g | Carbs: 197.15g.
Breakfast: Crunchy Granola Bars - Cinnamon, coffee, 2% Fat Milk. Lunch: Organic Stoneground Wheats Baked Wheat & Flaxseed Crackers, Applesauce, cottage cheese. Dinner: sirloin steak, Chili's Grilled Chicken. Snacks/Other: Weight Watchers Ice Cream Bars - Giant Chocolate Fudge, Graham Crackers. more...
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3752 kcal
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Exercise:
Yard Work (gardening) - 1 hour, Sleeping - 8 hours, Weight Training (moderate) - 5 minutes, Walking (exercise) - 5.5/kph - 5 minutes, Resting - 9 hours and 45 minutes, Standing - 4 hours, Housework - 1 hour, Stretching (yoga) - 5 minutes. more...
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