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OK, so... here's the rest of the story.
I bought a bathing suit.
Before you eye roll me, hear me out on this. The last time I was even in a bathing suit was 7 years ago. And the last time before that I was 15 and on a trip with my parents to Hawaii. 7 years ago I was actually about what I am now and that trip was with my friends to Orange Beach. I only got in the water, twice. Only because the second time I had gotten so burnt that I dare not even look at the sun for fear of turning to a pile of ash.
The other thing is.... I bought it on-line. No way of trying it on. I held my breath and hit the "purchase" button. I love it. It's not ugly, it doesn't have the skirt on it. It's vintage inspired, black with classic cherry print. It's me, it's cute... dare I say... even the potential to be even...sexy??? And I am relying on making this work or I am in trouble when it comes to vacation.
I'm o.k. with this. It is a goal that also holds me accountable. It makes me keep my self in check, so I can experience the satisfaction of FINALLY fitting into something I ACTUALLY WANT! Not having to compromise on what I want to wear vs. what I am stuck with wearing.
I still have 3 weeks before we go on vacation. My goal for my weight is to be below the 100 lbs to lose mark before I go. It is do-able. The pathway is there I just have to stick with it. I am actually excited about this. I have a 3 mile walk on the beach my way, I have a good lookin' bathing suit for when I am done. I have AMAZING support. This is success for me. Confidence, IS success for me.
Never mind I'm not at my goal wight, I still deserve to live and have fun while on this climb. Yes, it's work getting to the top but it doesn't have to be a punishment. Don't punish yourself because your not at the finish line yet. Don't talk down to yourself because your not "skinny/thin/not as fat...yet. I see a little of that while I'm here. Your glad to be on this climb so to speak but I feel some of you are still a little hard on your self.
Look, I get it. I can be the same way. I am my own worst enemy in that case. But Darn IT! Where in the world does it say that I have to live in some shadow just because I'M FAT!!!
I committed no crime there for I deserve no punishment.
It's a climb, there is work. BUT there should be JOY as well. Having a bathing suit, going on a cross country road trip with my friends and family is a wonderful part of the Whole climb I get to experience.
Figure out what makes you do what it is your doing. WHY are you here? To get healthy you say. To lose weight you say. To not feel ugly, or depressed you say. Here's the thing even if you weren't over weight you can still feel those things. You have to focus on goals that don't involve your feelings. Feelings change. Your body will change. My abilities are what drives me. I want to run a 5k in October. I don't have that ability now, but as I work toward it, I will achieve it. And when I get to that goal, maybe I'll figure out something else. Like run a half marathon, to a full marathon. Maybe I'll do something totally different. The point is, none of those things center around what I feel. But what I do. Keep climbing pilgrim. You are DOING great!
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