I slept in today... something I don't do a lot, but my body was telling me I needed it. Still have a headache, it's at the point where nothing is helping it so I won't take any more meds for it... it just doesn't help and sometimes I think you get a rebound headache after continual doses.
Had a good session with Rachel today, I related the events of the past week including the opening of the new space for Nomad, and we talked about some more specific incidents where I had the opportunties to practice anger management techniques... thankfully there were not many, and I did handle them fairly well. Losing the guilt over it is an even bigger accomplishment IMHO. Two more sessions with her and then we're done for the summer semester, will be back in later August.
Which is almost precisely the time I started at the center last year. I cannot believe it's only been a year... it seems like much longer than that. It is a milestone for sure and one that will be reached with both pride and anticipation of the months to come.
When we start back up in late August I will be preparing myself to exit from formal counseling at the center by the end of the year... the psych students serve 2 semesters in the participation of one on one counseling, so that means I just happened to make the decision to go to therapy just about the time Erin began her first semester as a clinician, and the summer semester this year was Rachel's first.
I found out that I was Erin's very first client that had been assigned to her solely and had not transferred from another clinician. I can tell you truthfully, that young woman conducted herself in such a manner that you would've thought she was a seasoned pro. She OWNED it... she projected a confidence that made you feel comfortable talking to her, which is a big deal for a young student just getting their feet wet.
I have thought about that many times during the last year, and it is a quality I see in myself, even though many times I truly did not "own" that self-suredness that many people witnessed from me. It comes from having confidence in yourself and your abilities, for sure, but you cannot sustain it if the foundation is not honest and from the heart. Then you just become a bullshitter (sorry for the language but it exactly illustrates the thought), and the projection is just an act.
To me, "Living out Loud" not only means that you embrace the challenges
of life with enthusiasm and purpose; but it also is a philosophy to share with others, on many levels. This is what I see happening at Nomad. There is a ownership of the church as a family of God and an air of confidence in our conduct as we work towards our goals of redefining church and ask each other to show the world there can be a better way.
So with all of this drivel hashed out, my thought for today is that God knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it, and knows that I would need to transition out of a confident, positive counseling exeperience into life on my own again. This is why Nomad exists in my life, because it means I won't ever be truly on my own... about the time I wrap up formal counseling I will be well on my way to counseling others, and hopefully projecting the passion and confidence I was so fortunate to have discovered when I first crossed paths with Erin.
And that's no bullshit.
Peace, and love, to all.
