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I'm depressed today but the good news is I ate perfectly. No exercise though, unless you count lounging around the house.
The holidays always make me sad. It really makes me want my mother. I met her when I was 19. (I am now 21.) She won't have anything to do with me. I spent one night at her house when I was 19 and haven't seen her since. No birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no phone calls.
I miss my family and really want them around the holidays...every girl needs her mother. I keep writing her and writing her and she has completely written me off. That's not the worst part. I have 2 older sisters by her and a younger brother. I'm the only one she left...the only one she didn't keep...the only one she didn't love.
I'm very lonely tonight and decided to google her name to see if I could find anything...
Big mistake.
All I want for Christmas is my family back. Unfortunately, that's probably not going to happen. My family on my dad's side are all in prison or worse.
I have to focus. I have to be strong. Her decisions weren't my fault but somehow knowing that doesn't help at all.
View Diet Calendar, 25 October 2008:
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1814 kcal
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Fat: 104.71g | Prot: 189.82g | Carbs: 21.75g.
Lunch: dill pickle, Kraft American Cheese, turkey breast, black forest ham. Dinner: onion, zucchini, Pork Chop. Snacks/Other: Carb Smart Ice Cream. more...
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 Comments
You are doing brilliantly to still be able to eat well given what has happened to you. Congratulations!
26 Oct 08 by member: gretje
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I'm sorry to hear about your mother... Try to focus on the family you do have around you... Sean for instance... I hope you get to feeling happier soon!
26 Oct 08 by member: lorik
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That's harsh. I wish there was more I could do or say. But reading your journals over the past months, I know it's her and not you. You've shown yourself to be a genuine, open person of good heart and it's her loss more than yours. But I know that doesn't make up for the empty feeling.
Just know that there are many people in this community who feel for you and know that your a good person. If you need proof of that ever, look back on comments to your journals.
26 Oct 08 by member: jdsinwi
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(((hugs))).... idk why things happen the way we do, or we get family that doesn't seem to love us. God only knows why he puts us in these situations. keep being strong, you have your life to focus on and your child (children).
26 Oct 08 by member: cindyshine
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I wish you the best - I'm sure it is very hard, but you are a wonderful young woman and you should be very proud of dealing with those circumstances and not becoming hard and mean. Stay strong and know you are terrific!
26 Oct 08 by member: nikeit
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Reina Estrella's Weight History
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