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This is my 2nd journal entry of the day, and it really has nothing to do about dieting or eating right or anything along those lines. I just need to get this off my chest and it's the only venue I really have where I could get feedback from people who are "anonymous" in that they don't know the people I'm going to be talking about.
Maybe you guys will remember when I was talking about one of my fiance's friends who had a girl coworker over late at night when his wife was out of town. I didn't like it, didn't think it was honest, and didn't think anything good could come out of it.
Flash forward to now. Salem hung out with this guy (who is a dear friend of his, since HS and maybe even middle). The verdict is still out on whether or not he cheated on his wife with that girl coworker. My gut tells me he did. But he did voice his unhappiness with his marriage. They've only been married for 2 years!!! But they were together for many years (in college) before that. They have a baby who is not even 2 yet.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he told Salem they are probably getting divorced. They are just talking about it. She says she still loves him. He told Salem that he "doesn't feel anything". I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but she gained weight obviously before having their son and she is definitely a bigger girl than she once was. She was a college athelete, so was once in like tip-top performing shape.
I haven't known them for nearly as long (Salem and I have only been together for 2 years this month!) but I really liked her and him together. She's such a nice girl, and I feel like he's being SUCH AN A--HOLE for just giving up on her, or not loving her anymore simply because of weight. But maybe that's not it. I don't know, it just seems like that could affect him being attracted (or not) to her.
I haven't said any of this to Salem. I don't feel like I can reach out to her, even though I feel so bad for her, because I don't even know if she knows that her husband is telling people this stuff (yet). I don't even want to be around the husband any more. Who does this to someone? Who gives up on their family when their baby is barely a year and a half old?!
This has depressed me, because "birds of a feather flock together" and what if Salem becomes like this to me? What if he's just as fickle? He swears he's not (I've voiced THIS concern to him), but he said he's nothing like his friend in that regard.
And all the wives of all his high school friends hang out. She's known them for YEARS. But now what? She just gets cut off, gets cut out of the mix? And I have to be on the side of her jerk of an ex (if it ends up that they break up?) And keep my mouth shut, because it's Salem's BEST FRIEND? Ugh.
Sorry. Just needed to vent. Any advice or thoughts are appreciated. :)
View Diet Calendar, 06 October 2010:
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1293 kcal
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Fat: 39.82g | Prot: 54.94g | Carbs: 180.32g.
Breakfast: coffee, coffee-mate, skim milk, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Lunch: Dannon Fruit on the Bottom. Dinner: greek yogurt blueberry. Snacks/Other: reese's pieces, popcorn, Slim Fast. more...
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 Comments
Thats a tough pill to swallow.
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Wow, thats such a terrible situation to be in. But there's no reason why you can't still be friends with her, even if they do break up. Surely your partner would understand that? (Assuming everyone can actually act like adults). Some men are just idiots. But then, if she really has let herself go it could be really true that he doesn't feel anything for her anymore, I can imagine it would be hard to remain with someone you were no longer attracted to. Most of us in relationships (the lucky ones) are attracted to our partners for many reasons, like personality, etc, but maybe because they have been together for so long they were only together because it was 'comfortable'.... and now the hubby has realised there are other women out there. Best of luck with this awkward situation.. only advice I could suggest is try hard not to get too involved or it could cause issues between you and your partner... and it's really not anyones business. Perhaps next time the husband starts saying something to you, you could just remind him that he shouldn't really be talking about his relationship to anyone other than his wife.....
06 Oct 10 by member: Lee2010
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I understand how you feel Chris but all relationships are different and all people are different. Please don't project their situation on to you and Salem. No one knows why one person changes their feelings about another. My husband left me when my children were 2 months and 10 months. He was cheating on me too. It took me a while to realize that someone who cheats is not doing it because of the person they are with. They are doing it because of a need inside themselves. It wouldn't matter if she were Miss America. My x cheated on me...left me and then wanted to be with me and cheat on her. Sick. If you like this girl try to support her because it is a very hard thing to go through especially when there are children involved and when someone does this to you it just kills your self esteem so if you can be there in anyway for her that's great. Also remember you and Salem are 2 different people. Hope this helps in some small way.
06 Oct 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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Perhaps, they were too young when they met...and now have just grown into different people.... Who knows? In regards to the cheating... it's never been confirmed and it's not your position to get involved. Is this guy a good guy other wise?.. beside the crap in regards to his wife? Is it really giving up on his family? maybe he's been trying to work it out for years.. (perhaps even before getting married...) Maybe they didn't get married for the right reasons?..( Was she pregnant when they got married?) Who knows... and it isn't for you to judge.
Your relationship with Salem is different , you met each other as adults. You both know what you want. You two are getting married for ALL of the right reasons. and as much as they say " birds of a feather flock together".. they also say.. "opposites attract." I think that goes for friends as well!!!
I know this situation is awkward. I wouldn't want to be in your position, but remember this is their issue, and they have to deal with it together! good luck Chris!!
07 Oct 10 by member: amy1flite
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Here is what I think: The best friend is a selfish jerk, as you say, and your fiance has to tell his best friend to get his brain out of his penis and get his act together - I am quite sure that the friend's problem is now he is number two in the family, with the baby being the wife's favorite, and he can't handle it because he is a big stupid baby himself. Salem is trying to be loyal to his friend, I am sure, also, so it must be hard for him to realize that his friend is such a jerk.
Hang in there, and support your fiance even though he has a stupid friend - you might be a good influence on the married couple by just letting your fiance know how you really feel.
07 Oct 10 by member: abbadabba
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Oh Chris ... Abba's is my favorite reply!! She knows how to cut to the heart of matters. I can understand why the situation upsets you ... every time someone I know gets divorced I feel sad and sometimes angry. But it happens. Sometimes for fairly good reasons, sometimes not. Without panicking and projecting your anxieties onto your own relationship I would process as much as you need to with Salem. Trust me, just because his friend is a jerk doesn't mean Salem is. My husband has had many jerky friends over the years and he is nothing like them. People marry for many reasons. I don't think it is always for "love" ... and that many people have no clue what "love" really is. "Love" isn't just a good feeling. It is an action. Loving someone is a day in and day out practice. It is very sad. Hang in there kiddo ... continue to build your life with Salem, let this draw you closer.
07 Oct 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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MY friends all have been married just as long as I have and except for one and he was married the longest of us all. He and his wife married young at 18 and SHE put him through college and seem happy 3 kids and a partner in a law firm later, he left with his secretary I never heard from him again....One of my best friends too, We talked all the time and he never told me once how he felt so I wouldn't put too much faith in loyalty amongst friends we're all different in matters of the heart and who we give it sincerly to .Here's something FREE we can all receive and it's called LOVE.
07 Oct 10 by member: thecoach
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Its so hard to make judgement calls about stuff like this when your not right in the mix, really knowing whats going on in the relationship. Sometimes, getting a divorce is the best thing for both the adults in the relationship, and the children. I'm not condoning him having an affair, especially if its because his wife has gained a few after having their child. Its just that some marriges weren't ment to be, and the sooner people realize that, the better off they are. Sometimes.
07 Oct 10 by member: MomofTwoGirls
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Chris1979's Weight History
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