|
Yesterday I stopped by my father's house to talk with him. Its been 2.5 years since we talked abecause when my mother passed away, I needed to distance myself from him. So I needed to take the time to heal. I tried to explain that, but he didn't want to hear that. He only wanted to let me know how much I hurt him, and that he is leery of getting to know me once again.
I do understand that I hurt him. But he wasn't the only one hurting. He doesn't seem to see other's pain. He can only see his own pain. I've always been the emotional person in my family. So maybe I am over sensitive to the situation. And maybe I just wasted about 20 minutes of time talking to him. By my brother's face this morning when he mentioned it....gives me the impression that I am wasting my time.
The sun will come up tomorrow if my father and I don't have a relationship. Over the years, it hasn't been much of one to begin with. So its not as if I am missing much. I kind of mourn for the father I never had. He was an over-the-road truck driver for many years of my childhood. So it was easy to not engage in his children's life. He left it all to my mother.
When she passed away, I lost my parents. She was everything. As you can see by my profile photo, we had quite a bit of fun together. We were more then mother and daughter. I didn't have that with my father. Am I going to have that with him now? I don't know. I'm not even sure that I really want a relationship with him. I guess we will see. ONLY TIME WILL TELL?
|
2300 kcal
|
Fat: 105.45g | Prot: 107.28g | Carbs: 236.20g.
Breakfast: fried eggs, mushrooms, creamer, coffee, turkey pepperoni, ore ida cripsy crowns. Lunch: honey butter, sweet bread, splenda, iced tea, stuffed mushrooms, french fries, bbq pulled pork. Snacks/Other: powdered creamer, chocolate chip cookie, coffee. more...
|
|
4049 kcal
|
Exercise:
Desk Work - 2 hours, Driving - 1 hour, Resting - 13 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
|
|