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OK today I completely broke down to my husband! I have just been feeling so bad about myself lately! I am glad that I have started running in 5Ks, and hoping to run in a 10K somtime this year, but I Just don't understand why I can't get my crap together and LOOSE THESE LAST POUNDS.........more importantly the extra inches I have gained back that have replaced muscle I had before!! I know keeping tack of points works.......I did it for years, how I got off track I don't even really know. I loved keeping track of points. I never felt like I was missing a thing. Ok maybe at first, but when you get over those yucky unhealthy things, you really don't even want them as much. Now I am the opposite......it is like I am scared that I will not be able to enjoy anything again unless it is a carrot stick! And I know in my heart that that isn't true at all. But how can I make my heart tell my mind and make it listen!!! I have been through so many times of thinking ok, now I am back, only to fall off again! Number wise my damage may not look so bad, but the way my body has changed is DRASTIC! My clothes just don't fit me right anymore! It is like a bomb went off on my hips, thighs and butt, not to mention the wonderful saddle bags I have aquired! I am sorry I don't mean to sound like a bummer to everyone..........I am just sooo hurt and I guess I am just getting frustrated at myself. BUT I also feel bad because I know I really shouldn't be mad! This is no ones fault but mine! I know what I need to do I just need to do it. I work my butt off everyday working out, then for what to sabotoge my hard work by not watching what I eat1 I guess what makes me mad is that I really don't pig out.......I don't just eat whatever whenever, it is that fact that I eat without thinking about the portions. If I have a salad with a meal it is HUGE!!! Anyway, sorry to all of you for having to listen to this BS! I guess I am just venting........I will not give up, but man it is getting hard. I love to run, and I am hoping that this will bring me out of this slump. All of my life I have felt like I wasn't good enough for ANYTHING, I need to prove to myself that I AM! Anyway, best to all of you!!
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